The cow test – The Indian Express

Welcome to the first Kamdhenu Gau-Vigyan Prachar-Prasar Pareeksha conducted by the Department of Animal Husbandry and Dairying, Government of India. This is a historic moment. And so, without further ado, let’s proceed to the test. Remember, there are no wrong answers — only anti-national ones.

1. How can you tell the difference between the foreign-import Jersey and the Indian desi cow? a) The desi cow is calm, loving and hygienic, and stands up whenever the national anthem is played; b) The Jersey cow is lazy and unclean. It has high fat content in milk because of decades of appeasement by past governments. Udderly unmoved by strains of national anthem; c) All of the above.

2. Who played the role of Mother India in the 1957 film directed by Mehboob Khan?
a) Ms Jersey from Channel Islands, Britain; b) Nargis; c) Gaumata from Gorakhpur.

3. Why is my glass of cow milk yellow in colour? a) Sign of adulteration; b) That’s turmeric latte for the Khan Market gang; c) Rejoice, those are traces of gold. With help from ancient Vedic shastras, nationalist scientists are close to cracking a method to extract the metal from milk, thereby turning India into a $ 5 trillion economy.

4. What is the most effective argument against cow slaughter? a) It causes devastating earthquakes; b) There is none if you are in Kerala, Goa or the Northeast; c) Bisara, Dadri

5. How can you show love to a cow? a) Feed it grass and grain; b) Let it out on the streets when it is too old. It can feed on plastic and garbage; c) Spread communal violence in its name.

6. A government of bovine worshippers leads its citizens towards prosperity. a) True; b) False c) Moo.

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